I work with Jeff. He has been selling one of my systems into university career centers for the last few months. We communicate quite often… so this critique is a bit different… I know Jeff more than the other people I’ve critiqued on the blog.
Here we go!
1. I like the picture… it’s perfect. What do I look for here? How close-up the headshot is.
2. Name: perfect. I would prefer to see “Jeff” instead of “Jeffrey,” because I think that’s what he always goes by, but simple firstname lastname is perfect.
3. I am not in love with his professional headline for a few reasons. I want a simple sentence… his isn’t. There is jargon, cliche, and almost all words are first letter uppercase…
4. Below his picture, the quote/status is okay, and on-brand with who he is and how he helps organizations.
5. The current title doesn’t do it for me. Jeff is a professional in the university space. Who is going to search for a “founder” or “principal?” He should have key words or key phrases of what he wants to do (marketing manager, marketing director, etc.) in his title. Same issue with past titles.
6. Why does he only have 4 recommendations, but over 500 connections? Seems kind of low to me…
7. Websites: he needs to have three, AND he needs to have better descriptions. For example, instead of “About Me,” it should say something like “More about me,” “What I’m about,” or better, “My Marketing Manager Profile” or something like that.
8. Two Twitter accounts… cool stuff
, but both accounts seem to be inactive. Here’s the hard part – figure out a Twitter strategy to get more content up. Scratch that… when I right-clicked on the Twitter buttons to see what he had, it showed the last two tweets… making me think his account was inactive…
9. Public Profile: good job getting the vanity URL
I like what he wrote in his Summary, but I know him, and I’ve talked to him enough to know what he’s talking about. If this was from someone else, I would question what much of this summary means.
Also, much of what he writes seems cliche… I would like to read stories, or get examples of how he thrives, builds, sparks energy, etc. I know Jeff has a lot of people who would validate what he’s saying… I’d like to see quotes from them in his Summary, about him.
Without reading anything he wrote, this seems to be too busy. I don’t like the uppercase (which I’m guessing is compensating for not being able to bold the text), and I don’t like the *****… this part looks to busy, and not easy to read.
Personally, I would not show all of these Groups. I would hide any Group that is not on-brand, or supportive of how I can bring value to YOU (my target audience).
Well, with one exception. I think the Make A Wish foundation is awesome…. keep it there