Last week in Maryland I met a brilliant materials engineer who was very open to a LinkedIn Profile critique. He gave me permission to do the critique here, even though it might get a little raw.
I’m going to start from the beginning… first, his email signature (since that is how I get to his LinkedIn Profile):
I need to do a different post to critique this signature, which is pretty good (he’s doing a lot of good stuff here), but I’ll keep it at the link by the arrow… unfortunately, when I click on that link it takes me to this page:
So in his email signature he’s sending people to a bad page. First thing to fix: go into his automated email signature and CHANGE THAT so people can click on it and get to the RIGHT page (which is this).
Now, let’s get to the meat of it:
ONE: in general, I don’t like anything in the name field except the name. Ph.D. is impressive but I have NO IDEA what FASM means… I would recommend the FASM definitely comes out.
TWO: the picture is good… a little “stuffed shirt,” but he’s in the D.C. area, and not to generalize but that’s kind of par for the course out there Nice smile, though, seems very approachable, friendly, etc.
THREE: The professional headline is a great place to market your brand (value proposition, etc.). Here, it looks like he is putting in stuff that might be keywords but I can’t really get through it. I would definitely change this to be something easier to read… perhaps something like “I manage metallurgists (metal engineers) and help companies design strong, light metal for consumer products” or something like that. Dumb it down and make it understandable by someone outside of your industry.
I don’t see this section this long, usually, but I like it. This seems to have a considerable amount of weight in the search engine results… so this is where you would put the key phrases someone would use to find you. My only concern here is that Ram is putting too many things that he shouldn’t… for example, Outplacement, POAC (not related to his industry or profession), PETAG (what is that? Is it relevant). Manager is too generic – perhaps put engineering manager (he has that on the third bullet)… “available for a new leadership position” might be a misuse of this – not sure how many recruiters are looking for active candidates.
Great use of this section, I’d just review what words are put in and perhaps change them.
BRANDING STUFF / ON PURPOSE
ONE: I like how Ram (a) uses all three slots for the websites and (b) changed the names of each of the links. However, I’d give him an F for how he named them… none of these help me understand where I’m going to. Is his personal website about his hobbies and home life? Or is it really a professional blog about managing engineers? Or is it about the science of metals? When you customize the name, tell me what I’m going to before I click there. Same with “my blogs,”… is that?? Also, why are you sending me to a LinkedIn invitation page? There is a better way to say “please send me an invitation.”
TWO: I like it when people put their Twitter handle here… this is another way people can learn about, and communicate with, you. Ram has good tweets, but not good frequency on the tweets.
THREE: Ram has grabbed his “vanity URL,” which makes it look on-purpose… and would fit well on an email signature or business card.
ONE: I like how Ram is putting contact information here and making it easy for people to reach out to him. I’d like to see more of this on LinkedIn. I think the third line could put him in a compromising situation, though, and some people might find it a poor choice to even display it. I had one of those (I’m not even writing the words in this post :p) but I don’t talk about it.
TWO: AFAIK there is no more IDK… AND, you are missing a period here. Not to be nit-picky, but this will bug some people. You woudn’t have a typeo on a resume… try and keep your Profile clean from errors.
THREE: I don’t really know what that means. How about you say “I’m well-known to solve the toughest problems. For example, when I was faced with ______” and then tell a story that supports that statement. Read my Apprentice post for deeper insight into this idea.
FOUR: In this section I want (a) more white space! and (b) stories that support the cliche. Everyone will say they are motivated, energetic, have extensive experience, proven expertise, effective, astute, problem solver, skilled, etc. TELL ME STORIES THAT PAINT THE PICTURE!
FIVE: Usually I don’t care for bullet points here but these are okay, especially with the narrative above (in #four).
SIX: Good use of keywords… think about which keywords here should be in the narrative above (in the Summary) or in the current title.
Below the fold (scrolling down) there are a few other things to talk about, like:
- Good use of Box.net, but I’d recommend you showcase this on your BLOG, not here (or, in addition to here).
- You have the wordpress app installed, but you need to blog more because the third post there is the typical Hello World post… adds no value.
- In the experience section, you should put information in the first two positions (PETAG & LI Group).
- In the experience section, I really like how you start the info on Engineering Manager with “Dear colleagues:” and then write TO THEM. Nice. I would change the style (mor ewhite space, for sure), but nice touch.
- I would definitely focus on getting some Recommendations – you only have 3, even though you have over 500 contacts, and you have extensive experience. Find people in your contact list that could/should Recommend you and ask them for a Recommendation.
- You are showing too many Groups on your Profile… only show the Groups that are supporting your brand as an expert or thought leader.
That’s about it… overall, very nice. Make a few tweaks and it can be much better!